Fading to black

We wear the badges differently I suppose some drown it, others pop it, cut it, smoke it, plaster it under a new MAC shadow and patent leather heels...

Solitude in his magnificence has found me

And all I can think while tears burn my eyes and soak my pillow, is how did I let this happen again?

How did I slip away and no one notice,

How did I slip and no one care,

Feelings of emptiness hit, and somehow it’s like I’ve gotten so far that even my screams for help have become whispers amongst laughter.

And as I feel the self loathing and sheer guilt make my lip quiver while he kisses me with assertion, I catch my darkened reflection in the mirror and look away

There is something to be said of being here again... depression, my faithful friend

Behind smiles! The brighter the better!

as I remind myself not to break, (don’t break)

Not to fall, (please don’t fall).

But Oh how far I’ve gone

my greatest fear is that someday I’ll not be afraid of being alone anymore and stand justified in the knowledge that he and I have always had an unrequited love affair,

he has always wanted me more than I could bare.

Prayers mouthed under short breaths while vision blurred and sweat washes my body I feel my body start to rock.

Here we go again.

My return to this place,

so dark the thought of light is eclipsed by the darker days to come.

and I know what it took to overcome the last spell and the hardest part is I know I'll walk it alone

My homecoming of sorts.

Fading to black.