Sunday, June 6, 2010

New Consciousness?

Yesterday I mourned the passing of a friend I've had for about 10 years. His name is Oneil Edwards and he was part of a dancehall group called Voicemail. He was shot multiple times at his home while he was going in after a night partying. While I sat 4 rows to the left of the middle exit of Church on the Rock with my eyes sore from wiping away tears with my hands and mu lip quivering like it usually does when I'm fighting back tears my mind started racing.
When I got the message he had been shot and in the hospital I started to think about how we met, and how he and Kevin were excellent at making me laugh and I started to worry about Kevin and Craig. I had flashback from my sweet sixteen and I can remember how much passion they sang with and how hard it was to concentrate on the words of the song because my eyes were just darting all over to look each one of them in the face and I couldn't stop blushing. And I remember my fifth form ball when they sang and I thought these are my boys. My friends and I would call radio stations and request songs and listen to interviews and feel almost giddy when we watched their first video thinking this is it... this could be the big break!
When they became popular I thought to myself why would they want to stay friends with me, regular me who has no status in the grand scheme of things; but I'd go out and see them and they'd curse me out for not coming and saying hi, and made me promise I'd call. They hadn't changed but I guess my perception of them had.
Now my friend of 10 years is dead and I'm stuck with a racing mind. His death will, I hope will, bring a new consciousness to the dancehall industry (it should or what's the point?). A consciousness concerned with what they dj or sing or produce, to transform it to something uplifting and gives hope to those that are so wayward or without guidance that they buy into the arguments that are proposed in the lyrics of dancehall. For me though its a consciousness related to the invitations I send out for people to be a part of my life. I have so many friends, I know so many people that are there for the laughs and there is money in my pocket and we can go to the all inclusive party in a new top and heels but where do they go when I'm crying and if they remember me in my loss does that make them better friends than those who call me to invite me out? What about those who rarely call at all, are they my friends or are they just acquaintances? Am I picking the wrong people to care about, because I'm busy loving a set of people that may not hold me in the same esteem. While I soul search and look for answers I promise to call Kevin more.
Rest In Peace Oneil, missing you already.