I suppose I shouldn't feel too bad about not being some Marketing Manager because I could have had that but I wouldn't be happy. As for the marriage... I don't even know if marriage in on the table for me. Lots of issues to work through I guess, and since men are such a sore spot for me the babies may be another feat.
Instead, I have no idea how I am going to spend it or even with whom. Somehow I already know it isn't going to turn out the way i want it to. My birthday are becoming to be more and more of a burden than anything else, I used to get so excited wake up in the morning and put on a tiara and just bask in the love I was getting from my friends. Now celebrating my birthday has become a chore and I hate that it has. I loved the excitement; even if all I did was sit at home smiling to myself.
My biggest fear is that I've disappointed people I love. I'm pretty sure my family and friends thought that I would have had a different life than the one I live now. I'm still a work in progress I guess. Don't start bugging yet this isn't a mid life crisis, and even if it was I dont think they'd call it a midlife crisis. I'm pretty sure you'd have to be atleast 40 to have one of those and I will DEFINITELY have things sorted out my then. New goals and new adventures are still to come. But isn't it funny how we think we have it all sorted out when we're younger and things never play out the way you thought it would.
