Thursday, December 10, 2009

Around the corner.

So tomorrow will make it one week before I turn 25, and I have to admit I'm not where I thought I'd be. If you asked me 10 years ago I would have told you that by the time I reach 25, I'd be working in a Marketing firm or up and coming company, married to the love of my life maybe even thinking about having a baby. Alas, here comes 25 and I will prove myself dead wrong.
I suppose I shouldn't feel too bad about not being some Marketing Manager because I could have had that but I wouldn't be happy. As for the marriage... I don't even know if marriage in on the table for me. Lots of issues to work through I guess, and since men are such a sore spot for me the babies may be another feat.
Instead, I have no idea how I am going to spend it or even with whom. Somehow I already know it isn't going to turn out the way i want it to. My birthday are becoming to be more and more of a burden than anything else, I used to get so excited wake up in the morning and put on a tiara and just bask in the love I was getting from my friends. Now celebrating my birthday has become a chore and I hate that it has. I loved the excitement; even if all I did was sit at home smiling to myself.
My biggest fear is that I've disappointed people I love. I'm pretty sure my family and friends thought that I would have had a different life than the one I live now. I'm still a work in progress I guess. Don't start bugging yet this isn't a mid life crisis, and even if it was I dont think they'd call it a midlife crisis. I'm pretty sure you'd have to be atleast 40 to have one of those and I will DEFINITELY have things sorted out my then. New goals and new adventures are still to come. But isn't it funny how we think we have it all sorted out when we're younger and things never play out the way you thought it would.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Open Doors

“I stood there is total amazement wondering if my eyes were deceiving me,” she said as she told me the story. “Can you believe that?”

Tina walked down the hall and into her living room when it suddenly dawned on her that she didn’t use her key to open the door. She quickly turned back to check the door; no signs of forced entry. She thought for a moment maybe her sister had left the door open in one of her hasty flights from the house. She thought to herself it’s a wonder she remembers to put clothes on before she leaves. Nothing seemed suspicious at first, as she took her heels off and headed to her bedroom, she was dying to get out of her work clothes and into her nightshirt and bed slippers. She had a book she was half way through and was dying to know how the story ended. She jumped out of the shower and into her nightshirt, her favourite, a man’s shirt that seemed to be made for an American football player and not for someone as petite as she.

She made her way down stairs into the kitchen when she realised that the kitchen door was ajar as well. In a panic she hurriedly bolted the door and called her sister. The phone rang a few times but to no answer. She tried again but to no avail. At that time she decided maybe she should put some pants on and leave the house, it would be of no use to stay there and be so scared and all alone at that. She ran upstairs and pulled on a pair of blue jeans she had owned since college, pulled her hair into a ponytail, grabbed her keys and headed to the door.

“Tina!” her sister screamed from the darkness with frustration in her voice. Tina spun with such momentum that she flung her hands around and hit a vase from the hall table. She carefully followed little giggles and shuffles until she found herself back at the kitchen door. She pulled the door slowly and realised candles lined the walk way to the patio and as she followed them. “Surprise!” There they were; most of her friends from work, her family and some of the girls she went to school with. “Happy Birthday, Tina!” and out came the cake. “We were pretty sure you were on to us” said her sister, “I thought for sure we were busted when you realised that the kitchen door was open but how else would everyone get in the back yard?” She was so engrossed in her surprise party she didn’t even realise she was still in her nightshirt and bed slippers.



There you go guys... my first short story :)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Puzzle pieces

I think I'm waiting on for something to happen
I can feel the pressure in my lungs building to crescendo,
This patience is new to me I was never one to wait,
But I'll wait

This is ridiculous,
I don't even know what I'm waiting for or what my response should be.
I've always been one to run scenarios through my mind
How do you plan for the unknown?
Still waiting

I know there is a plan for me, someone has it,
But who?
Where is it?
Impatiently waiting...

Sometime it gets so quiet around me when I work on this puzzle,
I'm not even sure I have all the pieces.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANDI!

Yesterday I was on messenger and glanced over at the calendar and realised that today would have been my friend Nandi's birthday. Today she would have been 26 years old. Young; I can remember her laugh and how it seemed to come from her toes. My friend.
She died in 2002, the seven years flew I didnt even realise it was seven years already. Its almost like since she died I've buried someone either close to me or someone close to someone I am close to. Who would have tought I would start losing friends too soon, she was so young. Cancer is a bitch. I think about her and how she changed her life in the end. She was so strong.
Nandi, I miss you my sister. I hope your rest is peaceful. I love you.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Updates

Ok, so I know i've been M.I.A for a while now, I appologise. Let me tell you what has been busying me.

I am back at school! I know you're smiling and thinking, "finally she has gotten her act together" and you would be right. I don't think I have been so focused schoolwise ever. When I get home I do my homework immediately ( to the point where sometimes I even forget I got homework), I read over my notes from the class, I even read extra. Now the extra reading is actually in an attempt to keep my lecturers on course because there are some people in my class that if you give them the chance they will lead the lecturer so far from the point that you dont even remember what they were talking about in the first place.

Oh and my ankle is better. I twisted it during orientation which was more like bootcamp if you ask me and jus made it more obvious that I just need to keep my chin low and keep swinging if I plan to get through school. Idiots abound!

I met someone but cut him off. They really dont make guys like they used to...

Whatelse hmmm.... I got my laptop Yay! Its pretty and I loves it!

I made four new friends at school all of whom I have adopted as my children, i make sure they understand what is going on in the class, one of them tore the ligament in her knee so I usually help her around. We sit together all the time and we never get to be in the same group... sucks because I think they are serious about working too. I ALWAYS GET STUCK IN A GROUP WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO WORK!!! It's crazy, I dont know how it happens to me I even ended up in a Social Studies group with the resident psycho but that is a total different blog all together.

So see I wasn't just sitting around doing nothing and ignoring you. I was busy and ignoring you! Hope that makes you feel better.
Kisses!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

People I guess.

Sometime I wonder where the time went... I mean its like I came home from a party and barely made it up the stairs before the sun was in my bedroom, fell asleep and woke up years later. I went through a phase where I was fairly popular and there wasn't a pan knocking and I wasn't there, now... now I get "Bombaat Chella! Is when you fly in?" Through all that time I've made some new friends, lost some good ones, replaced some fake ones and I am now left with a small group of people that I know will see me through anything life can throw at me.

Its funny how some people you expect to be there forever somehow fade into oblivion when the sky gets dark and even funnier the ones you didn't expect to play any major role come and scrape you off the floor.

Alot of people grow up in a community and don't know their neighbours, my case is the complete opposite. We ALL ran up and down in the other ones house, ate dinner at the house who's menu sounded the best, all the mothers were willing to dress anyone's chipped knee and we never got in trouble alone. We were all a big family. Somewhere along the line the foundation of the friendships started to rot away and even though we'd all still go out together, everyone grew up and out and it never became apparent to me until I was involved in the nastiest break up I will ever be in. It was ugly and messy; he and I were so close for so long that I didn't know what life would have been like without him, I mean I couldn't picture not being able to call him to tell him how horrible a day I was having, the whole concept eluded me. I thought that if we ever did call it quits for good we could still be friends, silly, I know. I guess since he was one of "the brothers" they all decided to trun there back to the situation and didn't even realise I was not-so slowly slipping into a depression that ultimately contributed to me not even wanting to leave my room let alone my house. With everything though, my phone would bring and it would be my parrie from school and he was always up to chillin', we watched tv for hours and ate pizza and he never asked why I didn't go out anymore, but he was there. Brendan, you're a star! I don't even think he knew how depressed I was, or maybe he did and didn't bother to try to address it.
When I finally decided I spent too much time sad one of "the brothers" went rogue and decided to ask me what exactly happened why I changed so much. He asked and I told him and loved and respected him more for even asking even if it took him long, Deno you will always have a special place in my heart and my respect for you will always be a little more than the rest, simply because you cared.

" New broom sweep clean but ol' broom know di corna."

Ava and I met at a birthday weekend celebration in 1st form and even though we didn't even go to the same high school its like we were always together. Literally if I bucked my toe Ava would know because I would call her and tell her and she'd know where I was and what I was doing when I bucked my toe, if it was bleeding, everything. She trully is my sister I tell her everything and even though we aren't in the geographically close anymore all those miles still can't prevent me from telling her about that guy I met or how tired I am of adding numbers at work. My sister for live.

" There are sistrens and then there are sistrens"

P-K, and Sash if for nothing else they have provided ears to listen one for a little longer but both without judgement or ridicule.


I'm stronger for them and more rounded for the people I chose to keep around. I'm calmer and more focused, but most of all they taught me that people will always show you what role their willing to play in your life and find the lesson they were there to teach you.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Reporting the news... LOL

Ok so I have some good news, some bad news and some duh news.

The good news is two of my grandmother's tests came back with no signs of cancer in her abdomen or bones so its isolated. PRAISE THE LORD!

More good news I'm going to the beach today, just me and mommy. I hope she doesn't try to get too presonal, yes she is my mother and all but there are some things I rather not discuss with her. If I was comfortable enough to tell her everything why would I need friends?

Some bad news, I don't know how they did it but somehow my cousin in Atlanta fell in a step class and broke her foot in two places, and then my uncle ups her by falling off a chair breaking his nose and chin and chipping a tooth... all in the space of a week or so. I think someone took us to a "modda ooman." Salt eeh?

And the duh news, I love love love my ex-boyfriend, the more I "date" the more I come to the realisation of how much of a CATASTROPHIC mistake I made breaking up with him. I won't tell him because I think the relationship we have right is what he wants, really great friends. We tell eachother everything ( I probably shouldn't tell him about all these losers I've been seeing since we broke up... oops!) I miss him and I really wish the situation was different, maybe if he was here or I was there. I love him all the same, and cannot wait to see him when he comes down in August.