When I do it over... whenever that may be.

I have been the "single" friend for some time now, and after reading my friend's list of the 15 things he's looking for in a girl. I decided to make myself some promises.

I promise to put me first, I have always sacrificed myself for what I thought was the greater good of the relationship without realising that I ended up resenting the person for not putting my needs on the list of things to address.

I promise to give someone outside of my type a chance. I did it before and I think he is the first genuine love of my life, I regret the break up but what is meant to be will be. Right?

I promise to take the advice of my friends with a grain of salt. Many relationships fail because other people have too much input in what is going on without having full knowledge of the circumstances that led to whatever it is that made us not be seeing eye to eye at that particular time.

I promise to still spend time with my friends and not spend my every waking moment with you or talking about you or thinking about you, for my sanity and yours, I promise to have a life outside of us.

I promise to try not to jump to conclusions. Its a horrible habit I have, I'm usually wrong but it just speaks to my insecurities.

I promise to try to make you feel at home with my family. They're crazy but they are the reason I am who I am.

I promise to try to get along with your family and friends, even if mine are better :)

I promise not to judge you by your mistakes before me, I will be mindful of them but I promise not to punish you for your past sins and I'll ask you to do the same.

I promise not to hate you in the end because really you were sent to teach me something I need to learn before my next step forward.

waiting for inspiration

I really have nothing to write about, I usually write when I'm feeling extreme emotions, you know that anger than burns your eyelids when you blink or that happinesss that makes you smile in your sleep, thats usually when I write. Somehow in the middle of feeling whatever it is that I'm feeling I pull out my note book ( its so not my style its pink and covered in flowers and I think on my list of favourite colours pink is maybe number 12 with a bunch of shades of greens and blues and even purples before it but the book was a gift and I love it) and I just write it as best as I can capture it. Its funny because I can just read it and remember exactly how I felt when I wrote it, its my memory keeper.

But lately, lately I've been pretty void of emotion, other than the occasional dissapointment in something not working out the way I thought it would I really haven't had anything of inspiration. Frankly I think its sad, my life has become so monotonous that there is nothing to really get excited about, and at the tender age of 24. Gone too soon. All I do is go to work (where might I add I am grossly underpaid, overworked and unappreciated) come home and watch tv or read, sleep and do it all over again.

I dont even think I miss being in a relationship and for someone that hasn't been single for longer than a couple months that is something, not quiet an accomplishment but something worthy of mention I think or maybe I do a little; I don't know. I think I miss that feeling you get when you know when you're about to see them and its new and you're kind of nervous but really happy and you just cant wait for that hug that just consumes your whole body... I feel like I'm just existing, just floating and bouncing against living things but not really living myself just here. This is so unlike me.

I'm steady waiting for something new to happen, I know its coming but why is it taking so long?

Me.

I'm moody, and very opinionated. I cry too easily and I think I can be too hard on myself from time to time. I love writing and I suppose its the reason I decided to blog.
Welcome to me!